Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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