hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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