hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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