WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Randomize
