On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
