I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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