Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
