I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
