i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
third nipple confirmed
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
why is half of my head shaved?
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