why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
