i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
