hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
