i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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