I showed him my bush... on skype.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I believe in your delicious
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
