So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
