I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
