I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
