answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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