Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
