It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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