Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
