Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
