did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
