he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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