I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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