just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
