It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
