Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
