so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
