how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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