He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
