Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
