so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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