wanna go halves on a baby?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
