What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
someone owes me an orgasm
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
