conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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