Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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