is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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