Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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