Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
We left an ass print on the piano.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
