Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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