At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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