Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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