just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
you didnt know i had herpes?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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