his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Randomize
