i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
