apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
