so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
