The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
