Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
